Adj. - to feel sorrow or remorse for
Noun- a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction
When I was younger, I don't really remember ever dreaming about what my life was going to be like when I grew older. I may have had some vague idea in my head about it, but it just wasn’t something I thought a lot about. I have never really set long term goals for myself, or planned anything out in advance for that matter. I guess that I’ve always lived life a day, week, or maybe a month at a time. Sure, there are things that I look forward to, like a birthday, a vacation, or an event. But, once the day has come and gone, it’s just another day.
Looking back on some of the decisions that I’ve made, (or haven’t made); I see a lot of potential that I failed to take advantage of. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like had I been more proactive in my pursuit of life. Where would I be today had I taken the time to get an education in music, or even if I had just disciplined myself to learn and practice more? Or, if not in music, if I would have chosen another career path that I could truly enjoy. I also wonder how my life might be different if I had been more assertive concerning my relationships. I have always been the kind of guy that sits back, waiting for friendships to find me. I never pursued friendship. If someone showed interest in getting to know me, it made me feel good. But, I didn’t know how to do that for anyone else. How would my life have been affected if I had that ability at a younger age?
There are countless thoughts that go through my head, making me wonder “what if”. Some of these thoughts may be a little too deep for this forum. What I have to remind myself of, is that the choices that I’ve made and the experiences that I’ve gone through are what has made me who I am today. The few true friends that I have made are the ones that have helped me the most through those experiences. I think God has made us who we are for a very specific purpose. We may change throughout our lifetimes to achieve that purpose, but it’s important to know that He has a plan. The pains, the joys, the sorrows, the laughs, the hurt, and the excitement… they are all lessons that will help us through life. They will allow us to share our lives and our experiences with others and help them through theirs. If I make life all about what will make me happiest, then I won’t be happy at all. When I wonder where I would be, had things been different, I can’t help but to think of where the people that are important to me would be as well.
When I think of regret, I think of things I wish I had done differently. Whether it was going to college, dating more in high school, having more children, or refining my musical skills, all of these things would come at a cost. If I had gone to college or dated more, chances are, I would not have met my wife and son. If I had decided that having children was more important to me than the health of my wife and my relationship with my son, there’s no telling where that could have left us. If I had spent the time needed for me to be happy with my music, I may not have been able to provide security for my family. My life may not be perfect, it may never be perfect. I can say with certainty that, knowing what I know today, I wouldn’t have done anything differently to change the outcome of my life. This is the path that I started on, and it is the path that I believe we are supposed to be on together.
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