I Want That

Well, it’s been a few days since I’ve posted anything on here, and I’ve had a lot on my mind.  When I started this blog, I thought it would it would be a good way to get some things off my chest, as well as give people a glimpse of what I’m really about.  In doing that, I’ve noticed some things about myself.  I’m a pretty negative thinking person.  I have a lot of views on how people should live their lives and what kind of example we ought to be as Christians, but I’m not sure how well I live out those views.  

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life.  I think about where I am and the relationships I have.  If you’ve read some of my other posts, you have seen how I’ve struggled with relationships.  When I think about it, my wife is really the only person I’m comfortable being totally open with.  Is this normal?  I don’t know.  I firmly believe that your spouse should be your best friend, but I have this desire for more. 

I recently read a post where the author was writing about Christian theology and how we should be consumed by our convictions.  This really got me to thinking about my relationship with Christ in general.  I have always felt convicted about some theological issues (which I didn’t even realize that they were “theological” until reading this blog), but I don’t think that I’ve ever been consumed by them.  I can’t say that I’ve ever been consumed by Christ in any sense.  I have always had faith in God, maybe even taken Him for granted.  I have accepted that He sent His son to pay for my sinful nature, but I don’t feel that I have a consuming relationship with Him.  I WANT THAT!!  I want to understand what He wants from me and to be able to share that with people. 

Maybe this desire that I have to want relationships with people it really a desire to build a true relationship with Christ.  How can I expect anything else without seeking Him first?